My Quest To Establish A New Christmas Family Tradition

Everyday I learn something new. My latest discovery has taken me a week to learn. I have learned that trying to introduce a new Christmas tradition to my family is not as rewarding as I thought it would be.


I decided that the blah-blah string of lights that get thrown up on the gutters every year needed some revamping. Being the educated type person that I am, I procured several books on how to decorate the outside of your home. Oh, they were busting at the seams with all kinds of advice, hints and tips.


"Whatever you decide, your Christmas decorating style should be one that is uniquely yours. It should express the feelings you have for this particular day."

I think that this is code for - you can do whatever the heck you want to do, it's your house right?

After much thought, I decided that the roof of my house would be my showcase. The wonderful world of Christmas. Life-size everything and lights, lots and lots of lights. All I was going to need was lots and lots of huge sheets of Styrofoam, a glue gun and a couple of extension cords.

Let me share what I have learned.

Steak knives do not slice through Styrofoam like butter.

Garbage cans should not be used in place of a ladder to climb onto the roof.

Humans that fall from roofs onto said garbage cans bounce more efficiently when garbage can is full rather than empty. This actually is only an assumption as this human did not attempt to prove this with another fall onto full can.

If any one were to ask me how far can a 5 foot 1 inch female weighing approximately 125 pounds be launched across the yard after a 3 foot fall from the roof and just the right bounce off a garbage can go I believe that I can give the correct answer - 40 feet give or take a few inches. I kid you not, after my family heard what they now describe as a bottle rocket gone bad, they came rushing outside. Finding me in a twisted pile of pink wellies and Styrofoam, they told me not to move. My middle son ran into the house and brought out the measuring tape. He is sure that I have set a new world's record for this kind of thing.

It does not have to be raining to make a roof slippery, foggy weather works just as well.

My pink wellies do not have quite enough tread on them to obtain the traction required to keep me upright and stationary on the roof. I have already made a note of this and will procure official roof climbing shoes as soon as I can find a pink pair in size 4.

After careful consideration Frosty the Snowman should be placed at least 10 feet away from the baby Jesus but on the other hand he doesn't clash to bad when placed next to the 3 Wise Men.

I hope to finish my rooftop masterpiece before Christmas Day. At the very least my grandson will make a hefty profit from the tickets he has been selling to his classmates. Yesterday twenty 2nd grade kids were on my front lawn waiting for me to bounce off the garbage can.

I shall keep you appraised of my progress of my quest for a new family Christmas tradition.